The Impossible Season

It really is impossible. It is an impossibility that I could actually get packages sent to Washington ON TIME. So if you are a family member, please know that your stocking stuffers are bought...but not sent. I like to think if them as the "New Year's Stuffers." It is a way to extend the holiday. By the way the same holds true for our (what turned out to be blurry) Christmas Cards. I put "Happy Holidays" on them, not because I was being PC, but because I was I just knew that a Christmas Card was a little beyond me...

So, speaking of the impossibility...I want to follow up on KD's Blog of yesterday. Mary. The mother of the savior, the financee who rode a donkey (actually, I am not sure this part is actually in Bible - do you know?)...who gave birth in a stable, as a virgin, who was full-fledged servant of the Lord.

Now, if I was God, and I wanted my Son to come to earth as the mighty king, I think I would have had the best accommodations possible, and had him be born to a beautiful, well-liked, well-respected woman. I would have had a purple velvet blanket to warm him, and had a parade and trumpets. If this was the Savior that I had foretold of, that all of the Old Testament prophets had discussed, I would have had it witnessed and documented by Kings, not a couple of Shepards and a few animals. Isn't it just impossible? Doesn't it just seem so?

So if you wonder if God's ways are our ways...just remember that he chose Mary, a stable, a few Shepards. This was the KING foretold, the salvation of Israel. God uses unbelievable people in unbelievable situations. Isn't it just impossible to fathom?

There is great mystery in the story. I love that. I love to BELIEVE the IMPOSSIBILITY of the story, you must have FAITH (small as a mustard seed), not BIG faith, but enough to let God work on you and through you.

I have a new appreciation for the story this year. I hope that I can treasure the impossibility of this story for the other 364 days. It is an impossible season, made possible by the only one that could.

Lord, Heavenly Father,
Thank you for this story. Thank you for the birth of Jesus. Thank you for the love you showed us all through the gift of the savior. Thank you for the impossibility of the story; that we may know it could only be of YOU. No one else would have done it in this way. Lord, thank you for friends and family, and help them to see your impossible season for what it is. Help me to live this impossible story each and every day. To be in the presence of you, the one who does things so differently than I would have. Use me. Help me to be that servant.
In your holy name, AMEN.

Happy Birthday Dad!

Today is my papa's birthday! I Love him! He has been my supporter, my cheerleader, my mentor, my fix-it person, my confidant, my friend, my teacher, my coach and the voice of reason in my head. He is my dad. If you know him, chances are you love him too. He has that affect on people...

Here is a few recent moments with my dad...

Celebrating Mom's Retirement and the Wedding!

With three of the four kids...and Shane!

Three generations of Coonrad boys!

Aunt Roma, Dad and Aunt Loretta. It appears there is a genetic link here!

Dad and I doing what we love to do...checking out cattle!

Three things that I learned from my dad that I hope every person learns:

1) Life is about problem solving...sometimes we have to figure things out on our own. I remember one year about two weeks before the Jr. Livestock Show in Spokane and I realized that my steer wasn't "finished." I told Dad. He said he knew...but he thought I was a little late figuring it out to do much about it. I didn't do too well that year, but I learned a lot. It was a similar thing the year dad told me to do my own taxes....

2) Life is about family. Dad and Mom would sacrifice anything for their kids. They did it growing up. They do it now. Family is important. I thank God that I know how important family is. It's because of Dad and Mom.

3) Life is Love. Sacrificial, non-judgemental, limitless love. I learned this from my papa.

If you see him, will you wish him a Happy Birthday? Have a piece of cake with him. Tell him he is wonderful. Tell him thanks for the lessons. Tell him his Wormie loves him.

Counting my Blessings

"Now godliness with contentment is great gain." 1 Timothy 6:6

This was the theme of today's Daily Bread devotional. It said to COUNT your many blessings. Really...COUNT them. I don't think I can. I am thankful for so many things...little things. I am not sure I can count them. So in no particular order...I am going to work on just this weekend.

One - I am thankful that I am warm over the holiday and I don't worry about where I will be tonight.

Two - I am (usually) thankful for my pets. Just kidding!

Three - I am thankful for my job.

Four - I am thankful that the semester is over.

Five - I am thankful I have a car that works.

Six - I am thankful for Christmas

Seven - I am thankful I have a husband who goes to church with me.

Eight - I am thankful for Coffee.

Nine - I am thankful for kind words from friends.

Ten - I am thankful for time to work on my dissertation.

Eleven - I am thankful for our home.

Twelve - I am thankful for peanut M & M's.

Thirteen - I am thankful for Jim Dugan who is helping me with my stats tomorrow.

Fourteen - I am thankful for holiday parties.

Fifteen - I am thankful for graduations (we had our College of Ag Graduation on Saturday).

Sixteen - I am thankful for holidays with families (the planning, the fun).

Seventeen - I am thankful for MadGab (the game) that we had SO much fun with over Thanksgiving that we had to buy it for Christmas, also.

Eighteen - I am thankful for family.

Nineteen - I am thankful for the legacy's of family (I am channeling Genevieve and her cookies today).

Twenty - I am thankful that grades are due tomorrow so I can be done grading (down to the last four inches of grading - down from three feet).

Twenty-one - I am thankful for late night chilly walks...It makes the house seem warmer.

Twenty-two - I am thankful for fire places.

Twenty-three - I am thankful for Hot Chocolate and Russian Tea.

Twenty-four - I am thankful that people put up outdoor Christmas lights.

Twenty-five - I am thankful that we have food so I can make Mark's lunch (so many don't even have this).

Twenty-six - I am thankful for laughter.

Twenty-seven - I am thankful my husband will hold my hand (usually...).

Twenty-eight - I am thankful for Nicole's name on my caller ID (she didn't even leave a message - it just makes me smile to see her name).

Twenty-nine - I am thankful for God's plan and God's timing.

Thirty- I am thankful for Cougar Gold Cheese (really, isn't it great)??

Thirty one - I am thankful for a good night's rest.

Thirty-two - I am thankful for naps.

Thirty-three through thirty-six:

Lindsey and Sawyer, Sawyer, Sawyer and Sawyer (come on...he's cute enough to warrant four "thankfuls").

Thirty Seven: I am thankful for coffee and conversation on Saturday mornings.

Thirty Eight: I am thankful for a good marriage.

Thirty Nine: I am thankful my sister (she is on my mind today).

Forty: I am thankful for good recipes.

Forty-one: I am thankful that I know my savior.

Forty-two: I am thankful for the great sermon this weekend by Pastor Charlie Sandberg.

Forty-three: I am thankful for the Little Church in LaSalle (Pastor Jeff is leaving...they are on my heart).

Forty-four: I am thankful for Sirus Christmas Music on the TV.

Forty-five: I am thankful for Irvin Berlin's White Christmas (I love this musical - a tradition I stole from the Franklin's :)! I could watch it a million times (maybe I have)...

Forty-six: I am thankful for whoever is reading this. You are a blessing to me.

I am thankful of my blessings too numerous to count (and this is just over this weekend).

Count yours...it will be shocking

Working from Home; the Life of a Pet

I am working from home today because I am technically done with the semester except for the mountain (actually it is only 3 ft. high - no kidding) of grading to do - which I can do at home!! Yea!!

I am dissertating and working on grading (back and forth) and Sugarland is playing on my IPOD (it is a brief reprieve from my usual holiday music).

I am in my pajamas and am downing my third cup of coffee. Isn't God grand? This is truly renewal of the spirit (see KD's post!)...

And I looked over and saw the pets...this is their life EVERY day...seriously, how great is that?

When I took their picture, they both looked at me like I was seriously disturbing something very important in their life.

Really?!?

3 am

It is amazing what can happen at 3 am. My friend Nicole has always had a bit of insomnia. Yesterday she told me that she believes that this is the Lord working on her...I loved it. She said that if she did a better job of praying in the day, maybe the Lord wouldn't wake her up at night...when she truly finds diligent prayer time. I love this...
Until last night when I woke up at 3 am and started counting days until my paper had to be submitted...AAAHHHHHH!!! Unlike Nicole, I panicked; my heart started to pump blood a little faster...I didn't pray; I panicked!
So this morning I awoke (a little fuzzy headed) and decided I needed a plan (and perhaps a miracle). Here it is:

December 12
Literature Review
December 13
Literature Review
December 14
Literature Review
December 15
Literature Review
December 16
Literature Review
December 17
Literature Review
December 18
Analysis, Literature Review
December 19
Analysis, Literature Review
December 20
Analysis, Literature Review
December 21
Analysis, Literature Review
December 22
Analysis, Literature Review
December 23
Chapter 3 Revisions
December 24
Chapter 3 Revisions
December 25
Chapter 3 Revisions
December 26
Chapter 3 Revisions
December 27
Chapter 2 Proofing and Revision
December 28
Chapter 2 Proofing and Revision
December 29
Chapter 2 Proofing and Revision
December 30
Chapter 1 Proofing and Revision
December 31
Chapter 1 Proofing and Revision
January 1
Chapter 1 Proofing and Revision
January 2
Analysis, Chapter 4
January 3
Analysis, Chapter 4
January 4
Analysis, Chapter 4
January 5
Analysis, Chapter 4
January 6
Analysis, Chapter 5
January 7
Analysis, Chapter 5
January 8
Analysis, Chapter 5
January 9
Revise 4
January 10
Revise 5
January 11
Revise 4/5 SUBMIT PAPER

I am determined to take it a bit at a time. I am praying that I can hear the Lord whisper to me each day that I can do this. So that while I need to write each day I also want to enjoy the holiday, New Year's and my anniversary; but I am feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment. I am leaning (very heavily) on the rock this morning, praying for the ability and perseverance to pull this off!!
Asking for strength, confidence, and supernatural ability. He has brought me here, hopefully together we can make it to the end.
Also asking for that restful sleep; that 3 am thing kills me!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

It started on Thursday night...

And didn't stop until yesterday morning...

And it's really COLD!!

So the snow is crystally white and fluffy...

And very COLD!!!

But it looks like something out of a movie...

And even at night it is light by the reflection off of...

The blanket of untouched snow...

It is an unbelievable scene for an unbelievable season.

Many blessing and peace for you today.

Merry Christmas!

Husbands and Trees

My husband loves me. I am not sure why at times, but he does.

Last weekend was our annual outing for the "Christmas Tree Find." We go to the Roosevelt National Forest about an hour away from Fort Collins and "hunt" the perfect tree.

Our day goes like this...

We get up early; we want to make sure we are one of the first up there - someone else might find our tree in the vastness of the forest.

It is ALWAYS cold and windy...so there is a mad dash around the house to look for long underwear, make coffee, pack snacks. Did anyone pack the saw? Do we have something to tie in the tree?

We load into the old Toyota pickup. The trip is sure to be rough, and 4-wheel drive is required.

Then we stop here. Vern's has the best cinnamon rolls in Fort Collins. They are delicious. This is a mandatory stop. The cinnamon rolls are so big you will need a big cup of coffee to eat the entire thing. And then just as the sugar threatens a nap, you arrive at the forest and the dog in the back seat goes wild!

And then we look, walk, look, hike uphill, hike downhill looking for the perfect tree. See, it's hard looking for one in the natural setting. It is very easy to find a Charlie Brown tree. And when you think you have found the perfect one..
You realize it is actually THREE trees!

We make this harder because I like Spruce trees, not pine trees. So we have to look in the valley's where water is a bit more abundant. And then we spot it. Mark looks anxiously at me...is this the one? I give it my seal of approval...and Mark's work begins. He cuts and hauls...I take pictures.

So, this is how I know Mark loves me. I get two trees. Yep. TWO. Why? Not sure - probably because I have enough decorations for two. Last year I decided I needed two - one for each level of the house. But they don't really fit upstairs...so I have two in my living room. And I got two this year, also. He must love me...

Because this year when we got the trees home...they were too tall...for even our vaulted ceilings. It is hard to keep a spindly tree strait in these situations. It took a LOT of time, to get them in the house, and somewhat upright. And then...well we don't have a ladder. I know it is so urban of us (where are our country roots anyhow?) So this year we had to move the trees over to the balcony...so we could decorate them from the upstairs (I am not kidding). We couldn't even reach the top from standing on a bar stool.

I forgot to mention that our tradition is to drink (red wine) while decorating. It is a dangerous situation in our house!!

They never really look this tall in the forest.

And then the decorating...Mark doesn't really get my creative vision (yes, honey, I mean to put those pheasant feathers on the tree), but he tolerates me just the same. And in the end, he always thinks they "look good." I think he might secretly be annoyed with me. I think he believes that we have taken the "Christmas Thing" too far. But he loves me...so he moves trees, hangs lights, asks if this is where I want the ornaments.

And then they look like this...

And all is good in the world.

I love Christmas. I love him too!

Tawnya

Happy Birthday Tawnya!!

Today is Tawnya's 30th Birthday.

There are so many things I could say about her. I first met her when I was a student teacher, she was the teachers aide. It was much later that I found myself in the midst of a second circle of girlfriends...Nicole, Lindsey and Tawnya. We were all at a strange transition in our life. We practically lived with one another. We laughed. They (not me) talked about stomach issues (no need to go there??) We had garage sales. We ordered take-out (a lot)! We ended up most evenings over Queso and Margs at the RIO!! (Still do, when we can). We were fearless! We shared our lives, thoughts and emotions. It was that moment in time that I am so thankful for - it was so unique and unexpected - this gift of friendship.

If I could sum up one word that best describes Tawyna it would be GENEROUS! Yes, she is my beautiful red-headed friend, yes she is diligent in her work, yes she is an incredible mother, yes she is an incredible confidant, yes she is kind...but mostly Tawnya is GENEROUS.

She calls to check in - more than I do. She can always make time for you. At every major event in my life, Tawnya was by my side. When I got married two years ago...it was my sweet, pregnant friend that tireless worked with the flowers, put on a shower, set up the reception. She is faithful and giving. She is generous. She is kind and understanding. She is generous. She loves...with her whole entire heart. She is generous.

Over the last two years we haven't been in the same town. But I see her a lot and I am thankful for that. Each visit is peaceful. She encourages me to relax, take a soak, read. She is generous. Each visit is fun, filled with laughter. She is generous. She worries about me (and everyone else, too)! She is generous. She has two incredibly cute boys - she is a diligent mom. She is generous. She is a wonderful daughter and sister. She is generous. She is the most un-judgemental person I know. She is generous.

I have so many incredible friends that I am thankful for - but Tawnya - today I am thankful for you. May the love of our Lord continue to wash you will blessings. May you know today, that I love you and am so thankful for this friendship of ours. May your 30th be filled with incredible memories. May the next 30 have even more. May you know, without a doubt, that your generous spirit is one I love and aspire to have. Know that I am so very thankful for it!

If you read this, will you pray for Tawnya today? Shout praises to the Lord for this incredible woman!

"Even in the darkness, light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man. Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely, who conducts his affairs with justice." Psalm 112:4-5.

PS - sorry about the picture. We have taken many over the years, but this is the only electronic one I have!!

The Birth

I am tapping into the season. This morning we got up (at a ridiculous hour) and worked out. I actually like going to the gym before 5 am because then I get to turn on the TV. I turn on CMT. I know...a little cheesy - but who's to care...we are alone in the gym. I sweat and breathe heavy to the tunes and videos...and decide what my next download will be to my Ipod (I love that thing). Interesting...I never watch CMT at home - it is a workout thing.

So I am working away and Brad Paisley's song "When I Get Where I'm Going" comes on. It is one of my favorites. In the song there is a line: "When I get where I'm going, I will shed the sins and sorrows I have carried all these years" or something similar. ;)

We all carry heavy burdens, whatever the cause. Moments we would take back. I have one that I am working on diligently now. I will shed the sins and sorrows. I will walk hand in hand with the Lord. I will understand all of those things which I just DON'T get in this life. I will be eternally happy. It must be the best Christmas ever in heaven.

I must never forget that this is all possible because the God decided that there would be a human son. It is because of this special birth that the savior can take on my sins and sorrows so that I can live in that freedom. This incredible trinity started when the Father gave the Son, the reason we celebrate this holiday.

Now I know that we need to be accepting and loving to all faiths, ethnicities, etc this season. But somewhere down inside, I like to think that everyone in their holiday glam is celebrating this special birth with me. See, I get it...and maybe this is the season they will, too. Won't you pray for this with me?

In the season of gifts...only the perfect gift could be given by the perfect ONE.

Merry Christmas!

A Spirit Without Limit

Good Morning!

What a busy, crazy time! Most everything in my life right now is "after my dissertation" but I wonder if I will fill that time with "other" things. I just seem attracted to the craziness of life. I spent time with a good friend yesterday who is considering a job change. It makes me sad. He is so good at Ag Ed. And yet, I understand the need and desire to slow down and appreciate a normal pace of life. I know that I am speaking to the choir of over-achievers in this blog...what would life be like if we could just 'take off' and ski for a day (ok, I don't ski...but you know what I mean)! Who are these people who ski on a Monday day anyhow???

I was complaining on Thursday last week to another friend about all I have to get done. He reminded me to not make things harder and more difficult than they are. He kindly said that it is achievable...otherwise I wouldn't be in the middle of it!

Regardless, I focus on the lists, the tasks ahead, the things I must get done today. The plan.

I should focus on the maker of all tasks ahead. I need to focus on the big, big maker of all things. The true plan, and the true planner. He is bigger than all things, He is in these lists and events, and He is the author of my plan. He is limitless in what he can do, and He knows what I can handle.

I was reading my bible about love yesterday and came across John 3:34. It says:
For the one whom God sent speaks the words of God
And God gives the spirit without limit.

Without Limit. A Spirit without boundaries and limits. A Spirit of God that can accomplish all things...so dear multi-taskers...let's embrace our nature today and love that God in us can help us to get everything accomplished! Let's focus on the maker of tasks, not the tasks in the business of life!

Redeemed and Loved by the Sovereign Lord

Redeem:

to deliver: save from sins
to restore the honor or worth of
to turn in (vouchers or coupons) and receive something in exchange
to ransom; exchange or buy back for money; under threat
to pay off (loans or promissory notes)
to convert into cash; of commercial papers

This morning I decided it was time to study this word...REDEEM. The words of David in 2 Samuel 7 are the forefront of this study...he understood redemption like I want to. David, the King of Israel, David from whose family our Savior came; David who could fight off giants with no more than a sling and a rock. David who understood the redemption because he is of the family of Ruth who was redeemed by BOAZ, her kinsman redeemer.

Here is what David said:

"Who am I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family that you have brought me this far? And as if this were not enough in your sight, OSovereign Lord, you have also spoken about the future of the house of your servant. Is this your usual way of dealing with man, O Sovereign Lord?

What more can David say to you? For you know your servant, O Sovereign Lord. For the sake of your word and according to your will, you have doen this great thing and made it known to your servant.

How great you are, O Sovereign Lord! There is no one like you and there is no God but you, as we have heard with our own ears. And who is like your people Israel - the one nation on earth that God went ot to redeem as a people for himself, and to make and name for himself, and to perform great and awesome wonders by driving out nationals and their gods from before your people, who you redeemed from Egypt? You have established your peole Israel as your very own forever, and you, O Lord have become their God."

This makes me ask...who am I Lord? Who am I that you have brought me this far? Do I truly understand your sovereignity? You are working on me to drive out all of my 'gods.' You have driven out my enemies; You choose me. You redeemed me. Who am I?

I find it amazing that I was chosen before time to become a child of God. Christ, through his salvation, is bigger than all challenges, establishing me as one of his own...forever...to be chosen, to be ransomed, to pay my debts because he is big enough and sovereign enough to do so. He delivered me...he turns in my sins and covers them for me. He is big enough to fight off all injustices, failings, fears, GIANTS in my life. He cared for me enough to redeem me. Praise! Praise! Praise!

Today I pray like I know, without a doubt, that I am loved and cared enough to have been REDEEMED. I pray that I can act in a way that is grateful and thankful of this GIFT. There is peace and freedom in knowing that we are loved that much. You, too, sister, have been REDEEMED. How is your life changed because of it?

Blessed Routines

I haven't blogged in over a week! YIKES. It is hard to get into the habit of blogging. I feel like I am so behind in posting that I don't even know what to say. A cold has taken over the body of my husband and has eeked its way to me. This week is full...full of the pressures of collecting data for my dissertation, full of meetings and obligations, full of needy college students...just plain FULL. I have a meeting every night this week. UGH!

And yet this week I have been able to wake up each morning in my own bed. I arrive home late each evening to the Christmas lights on the garage and front door and two pets in front of the fire place (fighting for position!). I get to wake up to a cup of coffee from my husband. I have been able to squeeze in time each morning before the frantic pace of work for time in the WORD; devotional time. I have been able to make my husband's lunch each morning (ok, two mornings out of three :) - that's now too bad!!). And now...time to blog! YEA!

This morning I find myself very thankful for "normal" life. I know that "normal" in this house has strange meanings; but I am so thankful for each of these signs of home that make me appreciate the little things. The routines of life...time to sit and appreciate a laugh in person with Mark; planning for the weeks ahead.

Ah, the blessed routines of life! Just normal, crazy, lovely life! Isn't life grand?

Good thoughts today (you've heard it a million times, me too...but I love it):

The Lord bless you and keep you;

the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you;

the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.

Numbers 6:24-26

Thankful Hearts

I read a sign once at a great little store. It said "Oh giver of all things, grant me one more wish: a thankful heart." I wish I would have bought it. I would put it in my kitchen at home as a constant reminder of how I want my heart to be. It is amazing with all of the blessings that he has given me that it takes a national holiday for me to truly reflect on what I am thankful for. Actually, I do acknowledge each day those things that have blessed me, but I do not want this holiday to pass without a fervent presence of a thankful heart. My goal this week, in the craziness of the travel (with the other 47 million travelers this thanksgiving), and preparation, is to hour by hour be thankful for all the Lord has blessed me with. It is so much. It is way more than I deserve.

In this moment, I am most thankful for prayer. Last week I was struggling over how much Mark has been gone this fall, and I asked Mark to pray over it. I had never asked Mark for help with it. I know that he prayed, he emailed it to me. It was amazing. It worked. By the time that Mark had gotten home that night, my anxiety over the travel was gone. It is amazing how he worked in this situation that had been brewing in my heart of discontent for awhile.

I am so thankful that in this way, all of my prayers and petitions, can be brought to God. I am ever thankful that he listens, even when I have been down the road before; that he hears and answers in ways that I most need. We have been given the privilege of having a direct line of communication with our savior. We are blessed.

I have recited this verse so many times, but this morning I saw a new piece to it:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, WITH THANKSGIVING, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

We are to be thankful to be able to present our requests to God. AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!

Requests: We are traveling to Seattle tonight (pray for travel mercies). And now, dear friends, how can I pray for you this thankful season?

What am I to learn?

I am a child of education. I love learning. I love learning about my job and how to do it better. I love learning about agriculture. I love learning about 17th century roman history. I love learning a new recipe. I love learning about things I could really care less about. I love to learn for learning sake.

But I have come to the realization over this last month that the Lord is trying to teach me...and I am a stubborn and unmotivated student. I think about the apostles. They soaked up the Lords teaching. They were punished and threatened, all because they trusted in their teacher. I am not so good. I really don't like to be disowned and threatened. And yet, I am forced to believe that when road blocks come my way, there is a reason for them, and the Lord is trying to teach me something in it.

I have been meditating on this tiny scripture that I found in Proverbs (24:32) that wasn't even the point of the lesson I was studying...but here it is:
"I applied my heart to what I observed and learned a lesson from what I saw."
I need to be diligent about this. When circumstanes come my way, I have to believe that I am to learn something in this that will help me to manifest the holy spirit within and help me to act accordingly.

I am not a good student here, but I hope that I am learning.

"Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good spirit lead me on level ground" Ps 143.10

And a prayer request:
I have been alone all fall it feels like. Mark forgot (after he got home on Tuesday) that he had to fly to Alanta on Thursday. And I just now heard that he will be gone for our Ag Ed Christmas party that is at OUR house (I didn't know about that trip either). I have come, in the almost two years since we have been married, to depend on him and I feel single again! I am not sure what the Lord is trying to teach me in this, but would you, dear sweet friend, pray that I get it figured out? Pray that I can do all this without Mark.
Thanks friends!

Monday - Again?

Wow! It is Monday again! How did that happen. I am one week to Thanksgiving vacation, one week until a trip to Bellevue to my Sisters, one week full of tasks (too many to do, no doubt) and only two days until I get my husband back. Fall is always a crazy time for us, but this fall I feel as though I have been 'home alone' most often. I will be anxious for his return.

I spent this weekend on the road. I drove 5.5 hours to Kearney, Nebraska to meet a former College Roommate (Peggy). She has moved to Ames, IA and Kearney, Nebraska is half way between our respective stops. It was so great! I spent a lot of time thinking, watching the prairie pass by and listening to Mere Christianity on my IPOD. I have tried to read Mere Christianity may times, but CS Lewis was always talking above my reading level! Listening to it made me think, made me understand the words better, and reminded me of those fundamentals of my faith. Peggy and I spent the weekend talking, shopping in sweet antique stores (bought a wash tub and a free-standing wreath holder - CUTE!) and enjoying being around one another. Peggy has a yellow Labrador - we are kin because of our love of these crazy dogs!

I have wondered over this past week - what is it that makes a friend? CS Lewis talked about friendship, Beth Moore's down load was on friendships, I feel like I am struggling with friendships, it is my consistent thought this past week.

Christian women are commanded to: Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:32. I would like to forget this verse! When I was truly angry last week, and I wanted to shout, it was KayDee who reminded me that being a Christian means being one to the core (drat it!) - a changed inside. While I could be mad, I am commanded to be compassionate and forgiving. She reminded me that this situation could not be talked about any more, as it would make us talk badly about our friends, and we should NEVER do this. We are going to be each other accountability partners in this. We are to be different...it is not easy, but what value!

CS Lewis talked about a key Christian virtue of Charity as acting as though you LOVE everyone. It is not LOVING everyone. It is 'doing onto others.' He even implied that by treating others this way will actually help us to LOVE them. I had never thought of charity in this way, but I will now. He also reminded us that these are CHRISTIAN values, and we can not expect non-Christians to act in the way we are commanded. We must, but our job is to love others who they are and where they are, this is our job as Christians!

What is a friend to Kellie? One that helps remind me to be a better version of myself. One who loves me, provides charity, is supportive, is kind. One who is honestly up front with me on my failings, and loves me in spite of them. A friend is one that I can spend time with, easy, unconditional time.

I thank God for all of my friends, and I pray that I can be the friend that others need, whatever their definition is. I pray that in this, too, I can learn and grow. In this too, I can model my Savior, who loves and forgives unconditionally. Thank you dear friends!

Looking UP!

Deuteronomy 4:29
But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you LOOK for him with all your heart and all your soul.

I sometimes feel like a cloud follows me around. That is how last week was for me. Just as I was tackling one challenge another presented itself. I had such a hard time shaking the darkness...

And then one day you wake up and things start looking up. Finally, one day you see the positive; all that is good, and all that can be. I was thinking about this on Saturday. It seemed like the dark cloud was starting to lift.

In honor of it I decided that I needed to look up. So I spent the weekend forcing my eyesight from its usual view to looking up...and I couldn’t believe what I have been missing.

I saw beautiful windows
And weather vanes
And lamp posts glistening with early sunlight
And crosses

And snow-capped mountains
And clouds
And pinecones on trees
And flags
And airplanes with jet streams
And leaves

And trees growing out of rocks
And stars
And....LIGHT....

It became apparent that there is no surprise to LOOK UP and then see things LOOKING UP.
It is all in the perspective.

Psalm 34:5
Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.

LISTENING

Listening...
I talk a lot. I am not always sure that I even listen to myself when I talk. But here are three things that made me think about listening yesterday.
When I was explaining to my friend Won Ton Tawnya how incredibly wrong the week was, she responded by saying “I want you to tell me EVERY word.” Can you believe that? Tawnya, who has two boys under the age of four, who is temporarily living across the state from her husband because they have sold their old house and the new house isn’t ready yet said she had time to hear every word of my stories. Her life is busy and she said she wanted to hear my stories...what an incredible gift of friendship – just having someone offer to truly listen.

My journal last night had a saying by Raquel Welch that said “You can’t fake listening.” Don’t you believe this? I know that there are times when students come into my office for advising wanting to explain to me why it is necessary to AGAIN drop a class and I just nod and think about what I am going to make for dinner. While I think I have put on my ‘professional mask’ I am sure that I portray the “I am not listening” face. You just can’t fake it.

Finally, I have to admit, when the week presented challenge after challenge, sick husband after sick dog, difficult student after difficult student, I admit I was thinking “Lord, can’t you hear me? Can’t you see that we are suffering? Can’t you help us?” And although I am sure He was whispering to me, I just was so taken away by what was around me, I couldn’t hone in on the Spirit. I couldn’t hear his response. Was He listening?

My devotional yesterday said that the WORD of GOD is only alive, effective and powerful when we RECEIVE it. Communication in any form, in order to be received, must first be SENT. Therefore, I have to be sure that when I sent out my prayer, the ever present, ever powerful savior must have HEARD it. In turn to communicate to me I have to be ready to receive it, either through the STUDY of his WORD or WHISPER of the SPIRIT, or the CALM ASSURANCE in devoted PRAYER. Funny, I didn’t hear him answer...because I didn’t spend time to RECEIVE it. I just can’t fake listening...and in turn, the challenges were more challenging, the decisions more difficult, the pain a bit more hurtful.

Deuteronomy 30:10-20a: “This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you LIFE and DEATH, BLESSINGS and CURSES. Now CHOOSE LIFE, so that you and your children may live and that you may LOVE the LORD, LISTEN TO HIS VOICE, and HOLD FAST to HIM.”

Heavenly Father, I want to listen. I want to hold fast to you. Remind me that to hear your voice and to hold fast to you requires that I RECEIVE the Holy Spirit. It is active participation in this communication process that you require. Help me to become a better listener, Lord, because I need your presence, your answers, and your peace so desperately in my world RIGHT NOW. But Lord, thank you that at this VERY moment, I can HEAR you. And Lord thank you that I can also hear the snores of my husband and the deep breaths of Boone. They are precious to me, Lord, please heal them, and help me to know how I can ease their pain. Amen.

Updates and Friendships

Let me tell you about today.
Mark...still sick but functioning.
Boone...we picked him up...only to have him throw up at the vet. So back to the vet again. He will most likely have to have surgery.
Mark leaves for Lamar, Aspen, Lamar, Kansas City, Lamar for the next week. He will make five trips before coming home.
I made it through my talk today...it wasn't as great as I wanted it to be, but it was ok. I did have our three college deans show up. It was pretty good to have them at the talk, they have funded my position full time starting next year.
I have replaced my student teacher. It wasn't pretty, but it is in the works.
This was not a great day, but I survived. It was crazy, but I survived. My life was a roller coaster today, but I survived. There are challenges, issues, sicknesses, and heartaches. We survive. I am profoundly aware of how this happens.
I ask for prayer. Even when I can't pray myself because I am so taken away, I ask. The amazing thing about friendships in Christ is that these sisters can "stand in your gap." They stand there when you can't possible think of praying. They act as a "human" mediator with our savior.
At the end of a crazy day, I am thankful. We are a little bruised, but we aren't broken. We are a little weary, but we aren't done.
Thank you Lord, for your presence, for your help, for your perseverence. Thank you Lord, for the amazing women that help me pray, that help stand in my gap when I can't pray adequately. Lord, thank you that the minute that I wrote my requests, they responded. They knew. Women with so much on their plate, cared for me, prayed for me.
Thank you for dear friendships. They are more valuable than gold.

Help!

Dear Friends,
I don't have great words of wisdom today - only a few requests. My heart is heavy and my spirit is a little nervous.
Our loveable black lab could not keep ANYTHING down yesterday, so he is in the vet hospital - on IV's.
Mark has had a bad bout with his stomach - (he gets this, although hasn't had it since March) and was curled up on the couch yesterday. It gets very painful and stops everything.
I have to give a presentation to the College of Ag Faculty today on Ag Ed. I am a bit nervous.
Mark leaves for a week tomorrow.
I have to remove a student teacher from their placement today and try to replace them.

This is a day full of challenges. Can you please help? I am never ashamed to ask for prayer. While it may seem selfish, I so believe in the power of prayer cover. So, my praying sisters. I could use a little faith today.
Bless you!
Kellie

Welcome Home

So, this last week I have been absent. I have been gone. I swear I have left my brain somewhere. I think I might have left it here, in Indianapolis, IN. This is our CSU student crew at our booth at the National FFA Convention. We spent three days needing a lot of antibacterial gel because we shook so many hands! We had a great time. I always enjoy being gone. I don't mind the travel (altough that was one bumpy ride going in) and I don't mind the craziness of preparing, planning and doing a trip. I am always so happy to be home, though. I have heard that home is where the heart is. I have heard there is no place like home. I wonder what it is about my crazy, dirty, chaotic home that I crave so much when I am away from it. Even yesterday, faced with another idiot move of mine when I realized I wouldn't be able to get home because my keys were in Indiana, I was problem solving how I could most quickly get home. Mark isn't home (although it is better to come home to him!). So what is it? Well, partly it is this. Cy (the cat) and Boone (the lab) have attached themselves to my heart. I am not a cat person. And Cy is an annoying cat. He doesn't usually want love, only when I am doing my bible study (here he is sitting on my bible) or when I need to work on my computer at home. Boone, on the other hand, is always needing love. How can you resist this face??? He is always happy to see me. Excited more than any 5 year old lab should be. It is just welcome to come home to those things we KNOW. That never change.

I packed my bible and my devotion and my journal for my trip. And I didn't touch it. I feel guilty over this. I didn't make time. I could have, but I didn't. But his morning when I woke up to a quiet and peaceful house, I felt the call to the scriptures again. The Lord whispered to me, Welcome Home, child, Welcome Home.

I want to be that woman that has it all together, that can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, value her husband, take immaculate care of the carpet, provide service to the needy, love unconditionally. But, home is where I can be just who I am, because what is here loves me regardless of how long it takes me to unpack my suitcases. And my heavenly home, my father, well he made me just as I am. He knew that I would disown him this week, not focus on him, not trust him. And yet, he loves me. He welcomes me when I return, hugs me and reminds me that I can do better next time. And then, one day, he will say to me, not through a whispering of the Spirit, but face to face...Welcome Home, Child, Welcome Home.

Lord, I pray that where ever people call home, that they know you and your presence and gain a peace of knowing there is NOTHING, no NOTHING, that we can do that will make you stop loving us. For those that are displaced from their homes today, or are moving homes today, or have no sense of home, will you call them? Won't you give them your peace and understanding? Won't you welcome them? Lord, help me to reach out to them. I love home, help me to provide that to those that need it. Help me to point to the best home today. Lord, make my home strong. Let it be an offering to you. Thank you for all you give me. I am unworthy, but I am so grateful. Amen.

Home....almost.

I have arrived home from Indianapolis...well, actually we were touching down and taxi-ing to the jetway when I realize that my two sets of keys (office, home, car) are in the rental car. In Indianapolis Airport Avis lot....Mark is in Bozeman and I am not sure what to do....
How can someone be such a space cadet...I swear (which I didn't and I wont but I would really like to). I guess my "perfectionist" tendencies are always under scrutiny and He is always reminding me that I am still, always a work in progress. But please, Lord, could you take away my idiotness?

Ahhhh, it's snowing!. I am imagining a snowswept landscape, hot chocolate, and a beautifully decorated home ready for the holidays. I smell chocolate chip cookies in the oven, and I imagine my husband and I snuggled up in front of the fire.
But alas, there is a pile of laundry, a ton of dog hair on the floor, a monstor application to finish so I can do my research and a "dish" to make for the chuch potluck today.
Well, one can dream, can't they?

Love Affair with a Tree

I cant get over this tree. I watch it change daily. I was saddened on Thursday to see that before it had fully changed colors the leaves have started to fall off. It is windy today, and we are to get get the first accumulating snowfall this weekend...I imagine that my pictures of this tree are almost over for the season. It gets battered and beat up in the weather and elements. I imagine after two days of wind and rain last weekend, it takes a big deep breath and says "whew, that was a doozy!" I imagine that this tree that gives me so much joy is also growing roots deeper and deeper, able to withstand the elements much more that when it was a newly planted sapling. This tree stores up nutrients. It goes dormant and then rejuvenates again with the buds of spring leaves. Animals find refuge in this tree. It changes, it evolves.

We are a lot like this tree. We are all changing. Maybe your week was full of travel, maybe it was full of trying to balance a family and a full-time job, maybe it was full of stressing over a "proposal defense" for your PhD. Whatever, your stresses this week, take heart in knowing that you are changing. That people find refuge in you, that with each of life's challenges you change and your roots grow deeper and deeper. You are strong and able to withstand any element that gets tossed your way...not that they aren't doozies! There will be times when you will need to store up nutrients of faith and trust, and just go dormant for a season. That is ok. Soon you will emerge with the buds of new life...thankful for the growth that comes from challenges.

Heavenly father,
I thank you for the challenges that you present, because I know that these times help me to grow and change. I pray that I will have the patience to see your work complete in me. Help others to take heart in this also. Give them the peace of knowing that I am thankful for them and praying for them also. Amen.

"Be patient, then, brother, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. You, too be patient and firm, because the Lord is coming near." James 5:7-8.

I hope that his is a blog where people can present anything that they need prayer for, and know that I am praying for them. If you are so inclined, will you please tell me how I can pray for you? If you want to just read, please do that! Blessings to you today!