Goal #2 Work

I need to talk about work today. I have a New Year's resolution regarding work...I am just not sure what it is. I like my job. I feel like I can do my job. I know that I am in over my head at times in my job. But, I would like to think that I understand how to develop ag teachers...perhaps because I love the profession so much.

But lately I feel like I have had multiple set-backs in this profession. And I have to tell you I have worked pretty dang hard lately, so I am a little frustrated and I am wondering what I am doing in this job.

So here it is:
1) student evaluations - I work hard for students, I do a lot of advising. I am the lone department member, so it is required. I spend way more time than I should doing this (according to my percentage). And the students hammered me on my class evaluations. I really felt like I had worked hard and had taught the class better than I ever had - and I got hammered. They knew that I was working hard on my dissertation - and they said that it got "in the way" of my teaching...What??? Truly, research is 50% of my load - meaning that I should be spending 2.5 days researching each week - and student teaching and advising should only be a little over a day. I way over-did it and I didn't do so hot...
2) I am writing and correcting and writing and revising and I truly feel like things are starting to come together, until I got my chapter 4 revisions yesterday. Bloody with red ink. I keep thinking I am improving and yet it seems to be getting harder. This is what I will need to do. Every day. Can I do this?
3) Yesterday I got contacted by an institution in Iowa who has been asked to come and recruit COLORADO ag teachers for ADVANCED degrees at our SUMMER CONFERENCE. What? They were asked to participate by a COLORADO ag teacher who told him that we did not ADVANCED degrees (which we do and they know it). I give a lot to state. I coordinate all of the judging contests, I run parliamentary procedure and ag mechanics, I attend and assist at all state functions, I offer cheap credits for teachers to move on the salary schedule, and this is the thanks that I get? Are you kidding? So, 15 percent of my time is service - and I probably do more like 50 percent. And they want ANOTHER institution, under my nose, to come and recruit under me? AAAHHHHHH...

So, I wonder, why am I here? The doors have certainly opened for me and I have felt called to do this, and yet I feel like for each thing I accomplish I have a mountain ahead of me. It is at times frustrating and overwhelming. In each section of my job, I have felt set backs. I am wondering, is all this work worth it?

Now, I know that there are a lot of ways that I can do my job better. I need to grade projects faster. I need to communicate more, I need to be in the field working one on one with teachers, I need to write, write, write so that I can get better. I need to be more efficient. I need to love students even when they give me crappy evaluations. Hard to do. I need to not need affirmations, because this simply isn't a job where I will get them.

I have worked my tail off to be able to get a full-time permanent position in Ag Ed come August. I sure would like to know that I have done this for a reason and that I will like this job when I actually get it!

So, venting and whining a little bit today. And praying that work and effort here is pleasing to the Lord and that I realize on a daily basis why I am where I am. I want to be able to show the love and compassion of Christ. I truly don't know how he did it when he was beaten down.

So, to scripture I go:
Psalm 3:5-6: Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

2 Thess 3:13: And as for your, brothers, never tire of doing what is right.

Col 3:23: Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.

Ecc 2:24: A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This, too, I see is from the hand of God.

Phil 2:14: Do all things without grumbling or disputing.

PS 37:23-24: If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm, though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his right hand.

2 Thess 3:10: For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: If a man will not work, he shall not eat.

2 Thess 3:11: We hear some among you are idle. They are not busy, they are busy bodies.


Lord, I pray over my work in the new year. Help it to be satisfying and fulfilling. Help me to know what I am in this role and why I am here. Help me to do this well. Let this job be something you own, and I am just an instrument in it. Lord, help me to be busy and not idle, not a busy body. When things don't go well, help me to remember that stumbling is a step, making me a better person that you can hold up. Remind me to find satisfaction daily in what I do and when things don't go right to not grumble...I commit this job and my work to you. Amen.